Last time we looked at the ‘self-awareness’ gap that many of us struggle with. 

I personally am at least aware that I need to grow in self-awareness, and that TONS of research associates positive outcomes for family, work, friendship, and marriage with increased self-awareness. 

On my journey (detailed, in funny but painful ways, here) I’ve found it really helpful to distinguish two kinds of self-awareness, that are related but different enough so as to require different skills. 

Further along in this post, I’ll share what I believe to be a secret weapon in developing self-awareness: my faith. 

Jesus loves me with a profound faithfulness that can only be described as ‘covenantal’. This God has said to his people: 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' And 'I am with you always.'

This kind of love gives me the strength to acknowledge all kinds of hard truths about myself. I am loved, therefore I can withstand scrutiny. 

So I’ll close Self-Awareness Part 2 with an outline of the story my faith tells me, and attempt to demonstrate this story about God’s love for each of us to be a fantastic platform for self-awareness. 

Here we go!

Definition(s): 

I think it’s insightful to consider what precisely self-awareness is before we try to pursue it. 

There are two kinds (Here’s my fave HBR article offering research on the topic broadly, and drawing out this distinction). 

The first kind of self-awareness is an awareness of what is within me: my thoughts, motivations, reactions and emotional states. Do we understand what we feel/think/believe and why? I think this already offers some insight into why we resist self-awareness - it is a ton of work to gain insight into ourselves. I need help on my inward journey. 

The second kind of self-awareness is an awareness of how I am perceived and how I impact others. This too is insightful into our resistance: we fear that if people really see us, they will leave us. We are concerned that the truth about ourselves will leave us alone and rejected, so we play the game, ignoring/hiding our flaws in hopes that others will too. 

Theology and Spirituality: 

‘And now, with God’s help, I shall become myself’ - Soren Kierkegaard

In my journey of growing into self-awareness I have found that a strong spiritual framework is essential to ongoing improvements in self-perception. Here is what you might call a helpful biblical understanding of self-awareness: 

1. Proclivity for self-deception: the Bible is quite insistent that self-deception is both a human proclivity and dangerous. The Apostle Paul confessed a deep incongruity between his internal life and external actions - and remarked that it was Jesus who was leading him out of the ‘gap’ he found himself in. Jesus too remarked on those who ‘honored him with their lips, but whose hearts are far from him.’ The Prophet Jeremiah averred that the human heart was sick, and what meant was that it was deceptive. 
2. A God who searches hearts: Into this world where humans struggle to be aware of what is within them and how it impacts others comes a God who knows our hearts, good and evil. God consistently reminds decision makers and influencers that God knows their hearts and motivations (Luke 16, 1 Sam 6). This is a good thing too, as some (Jesus’ mother, Mary) find favor with God. 
3. A God who loves: A remarkable thing about a God who knows ALL of our secrets is that he is quite insistent that he truly loves us, just as we are. Deeply loved. Love is not just one of God’s defining traits. God is love. Powerful, personal, sacrificial. God loving me, deeply and truly, gives me courage to confess what is really in my heart - the God Who Loves will still love me, whatever comes out. 
4. A God who helps: I need God’s help to accurately identify my specific flaws. Another reason we avoid self-awareness is that it can be despair-inducing to truly face our problems. We can feel hopeless as we look upon our flaws in the light of day, feeling like we might never change, or worse - we might ultimately be consumed by these flaws. Much better, we reason, to keep them in the shadows where they aren’t so overwhelming. And here were are again comforted and encouraged by the promises of this good God who knew our flaws and loves us anyhow: he has also promised - promised! - to both never leave us, and to complete the work he has begun in us. And believe me, brothers and sisters, if you are peeking into your self and starting your self-awareness journey God has begun to work in you! Further, not only does God promise to help transform me as I become aware of, and then offer my flaws to him, he is the one who empowers us to self-reflect in the first place. Romans 12 speaks of the ‘renewing of our mind… so that we know God’s will.’ God’s will is for us to thrive, and to bless others, and he is helping me to identify places where I am not loving others, and therefore not doing what he asks of me. I need God’s help to identify those places. 
5. A God who heals: You can’t heal what you don’t feel. What we gain when we admit how we feel and perceive rightly how we impact others is that we can then offer those things to God. All of christian tradition and scripture bears witness: Jesus is a healing God, a heart-changer, a redemption-bringer, ushering in new creation into the cosmos, but also my very being. I can be radically honest about my flaws, because I can in turn hand them over to someone with resurrection power. 
6. A God who partners: And now with God’s help, I shall become myself. There is a partnership between humans and God at the heart of the creation story. In Genesis chapters 1-3 God creates the world, but empowers humans to care for creation. We could marvel at the power-sharing God, so unlike grasping humans, offering to share his creative power with humans (and all creation! The sun and moon are empowered to govern the skies!). But that’s a (marvelous) rabbit hole. Instead, we take God’s power-sharing as a paradigmatic invitation to partnership. In tending the Garden of your Life, God is inviting you to a partnership. It is dignifying to pull the weeds in your garden, because it is stepping into this partnership with God. When I take a hard look in the mirror, I am not beating myself up, or even just becoming more effective in work or family contexts. Instead, I am doing something sacred - taking God’s hand in partnership for the renewal and ongoing creation of myself, and ultimately of the whole world. 

There is a certain story that followers of Jesus believe: that creation is good (me included) but that I am bogged down and separated from God. He comes to me because he loves me, and teaches me a better way. I am fundamentally a student. This broader story is a marvelous way to see the world. In all circumstances, I am a student with a guide.

So in short, I can grow in self-awareness because my faith aids me in doing so. I believe that I am loved, so I can take a long, loving, look at parts of me I’d rather pretend didn’t exist. 

This framework avails to me powerful but simple prayer. When I discover something unhealthy or unlikable within me, I can simply say: I offer this to you Jesus.

Overall, I find this to be a great and helpful framework for developing self-awareness. I'm curious what fuels your quest?

Next time we will take a look at tools and questions designed to help us take meaningful step in self-awareness. They are helpful but oh boy.

Buckle up and stay tuned!